Self-sabotage. We have all engaged in self-sabotage at some point. I know I personally have and when I do most of the time I realize exactly what I am doing yet still do it anyway. But why?
WHAT IS SELF-SABOTAGE
Self-sabotage is a common behavior many people engage in, and it can take many forms, such as procrastination, self-doubt, self-criticism, and self-destructive behaviors.
5 REASONS WE SELF-SABOTAGE
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FEAR OF FAILURE: Some people self-sabotage because they are afraid of failing. They may feel that if they try their best and still fail, it will be a reflection of their abilities or worth as a person. To avoid this possibility, they may unconsciously undermine their efforts or not even try in the first place. Many times fear of failure can be subconscious and tied to our childhood when we experienced a failure that left us feeling shameful or inadequate.
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LOW SELF-ESTEEM: People with low self-esteem may engage in self-sabotage as a way to confirm their negative beliefs about themselves. For example, if someone believes they are not good enough, they may intentionally mess up a job interview or an important project at work to prove themselves right.
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PERFECTIONISM: While striving for excellence can be a positive thing, perfectionism can be a double-edged sword. People who hold themselves to impossibly high standards may feel overwhelmed and anxious, leading them to self-sabotage their efforts to avoid the pressure. This is a big one for me. I am a perfectionist through and through and it has held me back a lot in my life.
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UNRESOLVED EMOTIONAL ISSUES: Some people self-sabotage because they have unresolved emotional issues that are holding them back. For example, someone who had a traumatic experience in their past may self-sabotage because they don’t believe they deserve success or happiness. We all carry traumas whether small or big that are at work in the background of our lives if we have not worked through them.
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LACK OF MOTIVATION: Sometimes, people self-sabotage simply because they lack motivation or are not passionate about the task at hand. They may find themselves procrastinating, making excuses, or engaging in distractions to avoid doing the work.
There are various reasons why people engage in self-sabotage, and it can be a difficult pattern of behavior to break. If self-sabotage is something you struggle with working to understand the underlying reasons for self-sabotage is the first place to start exploring how to make changes to this behavior.
6 STRATEGIES THAT CAN HELP YOU STOP SELF-SABOTAGING
Stopping the self-sabotage cycle can be challenging, but it is possible with the right mindset and approach. Here are six strategies that may help:
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RECOGNIZE AND ACKNOWLEDGE THE BEHAVIOR: The first step in stopping self-sabotage is to become aware of it. Take some time to reflect on the patterns of behavior that are holding you back, and acknowledge the impact they are having on your life.
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IDENTIFY THE UNDERLYING CAUSES: As I mentioned earlier, there can be various reasons for self-sabotage. Identify the underlying causes of your behavior so you can address them directly. This may involve seeking help from a therapist, counselor, or trusted friend if you feel having someone to talk to would be helpful. Or, it could be as simple as just writing them down.
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PRACTICE SELF-COMPASSION: Many people engage in self-sabotage because they have negative beliefs about themselves. Practice self-compassion by speaking to yourself kindly and focusing on your strengths and accomplishments. Remember that everyone makes mistakes and experiences setbacks, and that is part of being human. This is an important one. When you find yourself self-sabotaging acknowledge it and give yourself compassion. Looking at the deeper reasons will help with this process.
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SET REALISTIC GOALS: Setting unrealistic goals can lead to feelings of overwhelm and failure, which can trigger self-sabotage. Set realistic and achievable goals that are aligned with your values and priorities. This is a big one people struggle with. They focus on way too many things at once making it difficult to see what is actually being accomplished.
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TAKE ACTION: Self-sabotage often involves procrastination or avoidance. Take action towards your goals, even if it is small steps. This will build momentum and help you feel more confident and in control. There are a variety of ways to help you move towards and reach your goals. I blogged quite a bit about already this year. You may find the following posts helpful. Post 1, Post 2, Post 3.
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CELEBRATE YOUR SUCCESSES: No matter how small it may be, it is critical to acknowledge and celebrate each and every success. This will help you build a positive self-image and reinforce positive behaviors. This is something I talk about a lot especially with coaching clients. Small wins add up to big things.
In conclusion, stopping self-sabotage requires self-awareness, understanding the underlying causes, setting realistic goals, developing healthy habits, practicing positive self-talk, and seeking support when needed. It may take time and effort, but with perseverance and commitment, you can break the cycle of self-sabotage and achieve your goals.
Do you self-sabotage? If you do don’t worry, most of us do and we all have the ability to take control of self-sabotaging behavior and make changes in our lives. I hope you find this post helpful.
In Love, Health + Gratitude,
Katie
*Image Credit: Upsplash